The Fall of Effie Dixon

I was sitting at my desk this afternoon, in the mayor's office, when Little Bit Funderburk came bursting in - is that child ever not out of breath? I held up my hand for a second as I was in the middle of going through some documents and needed to make sure that they would remain in their proper order. After lowering my hand, I heard, "Mayor Fedderhopp.." Of course I had to stop the sweet little thing and remind her that everybody called me Miss Peggy, who wasn't immediate family or one of my closest friends. I think a good mayor (or acting mayor) should have just a bit of familiarity with her constituents.

Little Bit took a breath. "Miss Peggy. There's a bit of concern floating around town about your sweet friend, Miss Dixon." The child seemed to try and conceal a little embarrassment at what she had to relay. As always, I asked her to start from the beginning.

"Dorothy Jean, come on in," as I knew my sweet assistant had to be listening at the door.

Dorothy Jean came in carrying three Coca-Cola's and offered a chair to Little Bit.

Little Bit went on, "Well, I was passing by the d'Oasis General Market and Lulubelle waved at me to come in to see her. I skipped into the store, 'cause the beautiful day had raised my spirits. I'm pretty sure I was humming, too. My spirits subsided when I saw the look in Lulubelle's eyes. She and Maude were huddled up behind the drug counter and discussing something."

I could just about picture the whole thing as I sat back in my chair and pressed the Coca-Cola bottle to my face. That is one of the best feelings in the world.

"I went up to the drug counter and asked Miss Lulubelle if I could help her," said Little Bit. "Miss Lulubelle instructed me that I needed to come and see you as there was some concern about your sweet friend, Effie Dixon. The subject wasn't something they would exactly present to me but that I should tell you that you needed to see for yourself and they'd supposed Miss Dixon would be home by the time I completed my task."

I hadn't the foggiest what was up and I was sure that my other friends needed to be present when I investigated. I asked Little Bit if she had seen Meemaw Doolittle around.

"I saw her goin' into Teensy's Teensy Pets a little earlier. She likes to help Teensy bathe the miniature chihuahuas and schnauzers on Fridays," replied Little Bit.

I asked if Little Bit wouldn't mind running over to Teensy's Teensy Pets and asking Meemaw and Teensy to come on over to my office. "Dorothy Jean, would you be able to watch Teensy's Teensy Pets while Meemaw, Teensy and I run over to Effie's place? You can forward incoming calls to the Mayor's voicemail, but put it on the automatic voice. We don't want anyone calling in and having a heart attack 'cause they heard the voice of our recently deceased mayor."

"I'd be happy to," replied Dorothy Jean. As I've said, her family is very effervescent.

Little Bit and Dorothy Jean headed over to Teensy's Teensy Pets and I picked up the phone to give Effie a call. It had been a while since the four of us sat around sippin' tea and catching each other up on the goings on around d'Oasis. After several rings of Effie's line, she answered the phone a little out of breath. "Well, hey Effie! Did I catch you at a bad time," I asked.

"Well, hey Peggy! No, I was just outside spraying the kids with the hose. It is a hot day and they love to play in the hose water. I'd put the sprinkler on but I think my Lou was trying to fix it and it broke. I try to tell that boy that his talents are with fixing cars and he shouldn't attend to other devices. But you know how children are?"

"Yes I do," I replied. "Hey, Effie, I was thinking that the four ladies haven't been together for a while for tea and a chat and was wondering if Meemaw, Teensy and I might stop by for a ladies' hour. Meemaw and Teensy are headed to my office and we could be on our way in just a few."

"I would love for y'all to come over. It truly has been a while. And I might have a surprise for you, too."

"A surprise? Well, won't that be fun," I said. Hopefully, this surprise could explain what put Lulubelle and Maude in a tizzy.

At just that moment, Meemaw and Teensy walked into my office. I held a finger up to my lips and nodded them into chairs. "We should be over in just a few, Effie. We'll stop by the Gas 'n Dash and pick up something to nibble on."

"Sounds good, Pegs," and she hung up.

As I placed the phone onto the receiver, I started in on the tale Little Bit had already given me. Meemaw and Teensy looked a little confused but were also very interested to see what was what. We quickly gathered ourselves up and headed to my car. There was a quick stop by the Gas 'n Dash. Meemaw knew exactly what we'd need and where it was - as she owns the Gas 'n Dash. It was only five more minutes to Effie's house - just over the other side of the tracks.

As we crossed the railroad tracks, we could see Effie arranging the deck chairs that always sat just outside the door to her single-wide trailer. Well, it was someone with the body of Effie, but there was something attacking what was above the neck. I parked the car in the gravel driveway, took a deep breath and looked at Meemaw and Teensy. All three of our mouths were as open as they'd ever been - in amazement. Meemaw took a deep breath, "Now, let's just get outta the car with smiles and have close inspection of what is attacking little Effie's pate."

In tandem, we opened our doors, grabbed the packages of snacks and headed to the deck chairs. "Hey Effie!" Teensy was the first to speak. I'd hoped Effie couldn't hear the slight waver in Teensy's voice.

Effie turned to welcome us with a big smile on her face and gave a little pose while a hand fluttered around the top of her head. We all smiled as much as we could. Now, Effie has the most beautiful red hair and she likes to keep it short as it's easier to fix and take care of her four children. Effie ran into the trailer to retrieve some iced tea and we all stumbled into the deck chairs.

As if she were floating down the stairs, Effie brought the glasses of iced tea and presented to each of us.

"What have you been up to, today, Effie," I asked.

With a glint in her eyes, "I went on up to the Dyein' for Style Beauty School for my weekly appointment." Effie likes to go up there because the cuts and styles are free and they only allow the advanced students to work on clients. It's very economical if you ask me. "I walked in to the hair studio and there was Tania Dean, Meemaw! They asked me who I would like to work on my hair and I knew I just had to give Tania Dean a chance because I know she's determined to do well in beauty school. They reminded me that only advanced students could work on clients' hair and I assured them that I trusted my hair to the daughter of one of my dearest friends."

Meemaw's chin was just about to hit her lap, her mouth was so wide open. "And you allowed my daughter to place a dried up, bleached blond string of hay on top of your head?" I could hardly believe that flew out of Meemaw's mouth, but we were all thinking it. "Have you actually looked in a mirror?"

Effie's lips started to tremble but she threw her shoulders back and assured us all that every person at the Dyein' for Style Beauty School went on and on about the pretty blonde fall Tania Dean had placed on her head, after a trim and set. Tania Dean had even swirled it into a wideset bun which allowed Effie's red hair to frame the blondness.

At once, Meemaw, Teensy and I exclaimed, "Well, you have to snatch that awful thing off your head!!!" A good friend will always tell the truth.

The positive outcome of the whole experience is that once Effie got that rat off her head, we noticed that Tania Dean had done a fine job on the trim and set. We had our pretty sweet friend back and sat back to fellowship and laugh together. Effie promised to keep the fall to use this upcoming Halloween.

Until tomorrow...don't be tacky....Peggy!

A little of this; A little of that

Let me start by telling you all about the big storm we had yesterday. On my way to the office, I noticed an ominous set of clouds moving in and I knew we were in for something special. Most times, when such clouds move in, the top of Fedderhopp Mountain seems to invite them to stay a while. This was such a day. I got into Eaton City Hall before the first drops fell from the sky. These drops were preceded with the most soul-shaking thunder you ever heard and lightning that could light d'Oasis High School football stadium for the whole season.

My sweet assistant, Miss Dorothy Jean Bubbles, was a skittish sort when storms were overhead. I told her just to plug her headphones into her music playing contraption and watch for the phone to light up whenever need be. Dorothy Jean is just so cute and tallllll. Why I think her legs are longer than a yard stick. She was voted Best Legs in her d'Oasis graduating class. She also won the talent portion of the Miss d'Oasis High pageant with her one woman salute to the Rockettes.

We got many phone calls that morning from concerned d'Oasians but Dorothy Jean and I assured everybody that d'Oasis Electrics would be mindful of any damage done to power lines. The storm that hit was a gully washer I can tell you. We did lose power for about 45 minutes at City Hall, but those men who work at the dEC are quick and sharp when it comes to powerline repairs. Poor Dorothy Jean looked like a little chihuahua trembling in the winter. I kept plying her with soothing tea and she made it through the day. Her brother Dobbin came to pick her up from the office at 5:00 pm on the dot. That Bubbles family is so thoughtful.

I know you're thinking that Bubbles is an interesting name for a soul, but I can tell you the history of that pseudonym. When the family arrived in d'Oasis, everyone was astounded at how good looking they all were. Their actual last name is Buble' but no one in d'Oasis could give it proper pronunciation. People just started calling them the Bubbles so the family made an official name change in 1987. It seemed to fit the family perfectly because they're all just so effervescent.

Okay....I know you're at the edge of your seat to find out about Meemaw's red toenails. She'd told me the story under her breath while we were sitting in the Eat It, Too the other day...after the Flying Muumuu incident. The night before, Meemaw's daughter, Tania Dean Doolittle, had paid a visit with exciting news about a venture into beauty school at the Dyein' for Style Beauty School over near Cathedral Hospital. Tania Dean had wanted to practice some things on Meemaw before her testing at Dyein' for Style and Meemaw had agreed to a pedicure. Meemaw lay back and relaxed in her easy chair as Tania Dean went to work with a gentle foot massage. The massage felt so good that Meemaw drifted off into a restful nap. Her breathing had been heavy for quite a while before Tania Dean exclaimed, "Ta da....!"

The "ta da" had jolted Meemaw up in her chair and she looked around in a fit, having forgotten that Tania Dean was even there.

"Meemaw, it's all right...it's just me and I'm done with your beautiful toes," said Tania Dean calmingly.

Meemaw looked toward the floor and wondered who the heck belonged to the feet she was looking at. She quickly realized that Tania Dean had adorned her toenails with a harlot red! She was about to put Tania Dean in her place - as one would think one's only daughter would know what shades Meemaw was famous for. She counted a quick ten in her head, put her hands to her face with a glow and just went on and on about what a beautiful job Tania Dean had done. Meemaw also ignored the clumps of red on her big toes where the nail meets the skin. Being the good mother she is, Meemaw immediately wish Tania Dean success on her testing.

That poor Tania Dean has a little trouble holding down jobs and Meemaw hoped that this new escapade would lead her sweet little girl down a successful path. Up until now, the only job Tania Dean was able hold onto was her part-time job at Hooters. She works in the kitchen four hours a day glazing those famous buffalo wings.

As long as I'm relaying Meemaw's toenail woes, I should let you know that Meemaw and her family have a lot to do with the history of d'Oasis. She and I both married into important families in the d'Oasis community. We weren't looking to marry up. It just turned out that way. The first two families to inhabit this pretty burgh were the Doolittle's and the Fedderhopp's. The families met up while both traveling around this great country in covered wagons. They quickly became friendly and decided to search for a heavenly piece of land on which to stake a claim. When they arrived at what would become d'Oasis, there was the discussion amongst the tribe about what they would name their new community. It was decided that one family could name the mountain and the other the town. With a flip of a coin, the country realized Fedderhopp Mountain and the town of Doolittle's Oasis.

The name Doolittle's Oasis lasted for 87 years when the town council decided that the name was just a little long. There was a citywide contest to pick the new name of the town provided the new name reflect the old. Meemaw's husband's father had come up with d'Oasis. "d" for Doolittle, a lower case d to reflect the "little" of Doolittle and Oasis was retained. People wondered if the Doolittle's would be offended with the name changed, but the fact that one of them came up with the town name eased all worries.

And here were are, now, living and loving.

Until tomorrow...don't be tacky...Peggy!

A loonnnnng dayyyyy

It has been a very long and busy day and Peggy does not have the energy to write. It would all be nonsensical, anyway. But check in with me tomorrow when I tell you all about why Meemaw's toenails were painted such a vivid shade of red, about today's knock your power out thunderstorm and Tania Dean Doolittle's part-time job (she's Meemaw's daughter). I'll also give you a little more history about the town of d'Oasis.

Until tomorrow....don't be tacky....Peggy!

Flying Muumuu

This has been one exciting Tuesday! I was typing away at my desk in the mayor's office this morning. You know I became acting mayor due to the recent demise of the former mayor. I had gotten up early to get to the office as I had a lot to attend to. It was about 8:12 am when Little Bit Funderburk came bursting into the office. Little Bit is the cutest little thing and is not prone to over excitement. Well that child's face was as flush as the inside of a blood red orange - sweat pouring down her sweet face.

"Meemaw is stormin' down Main Street in a tizzy," shouted Little Bit.

I jumped out of my chair and waved my hand in front of the child's face and told her to catch her breath so she could fully explain. After a good minute and a half, Little Bit caught her breath and explained that Meemaw had just shot by the d'Oasis General Market in her bare feet and yellin' at the top of her lungs - something about a bear cub and its mama. I grabbed my hat and ran out of the office, down the stairs and into the streets to look for my oldest and dearest friend.

I just caught a glimpse of pink and orange flashing around the corner in front of the Eat It, Too Bakery. I took off in that direction screaming "Alma....Alma!!" all the while looking behind me to see if I could get an idea of what Meemaw was running from.

It seemed Meemaw's engine had begun to run out of steam and I caught up to her around the benches in the middle of town square. Her eyes were just as wide as I'd ever seen and I thought she might just keel over with the ins and outs of her breathing. I yelled to Little Bit to fetch Meemaw some water and a cool cloth. By this time, there was not a storefront in town that didn't have a group of people blocking its entrance just gawkin' at my nearest and dearest friend.

It took me a few minutes to look down and realize that Meemaw's feet were just as bare as the day she was born. I couldn't help but notice that Meemaw's toenails had been painted the deepest color of red I'd ever seen. She was famous for her make up in shades of pink. I don't think I remembered ever seeing her color herself up with red. I would ask about that later. There was a more pressing issue at hand.

Little Bit showed up just then and shoved a cool cloth at Meemaw, which I took from her and placed gently on Meemaw's heaving neck. She let out a lovely deep sigh at the touch of the cool fabric. Little Bit guided her to the nearest bench and we got her seated and some cool water down her gullet. Little Bit tried to start in on a lot of questions but I gave her a polite smile that said, "Let's give my nearest and dearest friend a little time to find her center."

Isn't it crazy how the heat of a summer day will make a few minutes seem like an eternity?

Anywho, Alma got her normal breathing patterns back soon enough and gave me the nod to let me know that questions could now be put forth. My first question was if she was all right. She quickly assured me that she was fine and safe. So, I asked her to please start from the beginning.

Meemaw had woken up in the cheeriest of dispositions. She'd decided to alter her morning routine which usually began with an immediate shower. This morning she simply tottered around her house in her favorite muumuu and bunny slippers and was singing to high heaven while she made her coffee and toast. After the coffee was made, she stepped out the back door to have a little look at her garden. As she stood on the deck, she reached for her favorite garden hat and then proceeded down the steps to the garden. She'd made one pass in the garden along the row of snap peas and heard a noise that was not in the timbre of her singing voice.

Meemaw turned to see a little bear cub sittin' smack dab in the middle of her back deck - easy as you please. Well, Meemaw had seen bear cubs before, as she lives at the bottom of Fedderhopp Mountain. She wasn't the least bit ill at ease, though she decided on subtle and slow movements back toward the south end of her house. As soon as she made one step outside the boundaries of her lovely vegetable garden, the bear cub's mother came bounding out of the woods toward her - teeth bared. Meemaw didn't have time to contemplate the horrifying outcome of a run-in with a mother bear. Her immediate instinct was just to take off down the driveway and down the street toward town.

It seems her bunny slippers were still sitting at the edge of the vegetable garden in the exact same position Meemaw was standing when the mother bear was first spotted. She can't seem to remember where her favorite garden hat fell off. I'm sure a kindly neighbor will return said item to my nearest and dearest friend.

Little Bit asked Meemaw if she needed anymore water. Meemaw replied, "Well aren't you the sweetest thing? I think I'm fine now...but...OH MY GOD!!" It was at that moment Meemaw realized she was in the center of town wearing just her muumuu. Somehow she'd thought to also put on her girdle before venturing out to the garden and she was thankful for that kind of support during her heart-racing sprint through downtown d'Oasis.

I asked Little Bit to run over and inquire if Hoke Jon-Jon Ramirez and Chester Hottentot would be so kind as to check out Meemaw Doolittle's house for evidence of a bear cub and it's mama. I reminded her to ask Chester to take his rifle with him just in case and if they needed extra help I was sure that Lou Coalhouse Dixon would be more than willing to climb out from under whatever car he was working on and lend a hand. Little Bit's excited eyes glinted in the sun and she was gone in a flash.

I helped Meemaw to her feet and told her we could go back to my office and cool off some more, maybe have some sweet tea. Meemaw said, "Well, as long as I'm already downtown in this condition, we may as well just head to our booth at the Eat It, Too." Meemaw does have a wonderful matter-of-fact outlook on life. We went on to the Eat It, Too and spent most of the rest of the afternoon entertaining guests at our booth. Meemaw, through laughter and tears, regaled d'Oasians with her tale of the bearcub and its mama. I later heard that the high schoolers were calling it the Tale of the Flying Muumuu. It's not the nicest title but I believe Meemaw can enjoy the humor in it.

Until tomorrow...Don't be tacky....Peggy!

The Praleen Sisters

My sisters, Caliope Rose Butterworth and Shaquanda Braid Jackson, and I were all born at Cathedral Hospital just outside the city limits of d'Oasis. Our parents, who parted this Earth in 1987 during a hot air balloon accident up in New Topia, were Crackett Buxtrom Praleen and Constance Sherman Praleen. Daddy owned the d'Oasis General Market and he and Mama ran that store 360 days a year. They would occasionally close the store when they got a bug to travel; but, they'd always give fair warning to the store's patrons. Daddy was the business mind of the store and Mama made sure every item was in its proper place. She also ran the drug counter just to the right side of the store's entrance.

When the good Lord took them home, my sisters and I decided to put the store up for sale with the conditions that the new owner keep the store looking as it always had. As soon as Miss Lulubelle BonClarken put a bid in for purchase, we knew that the historical setting of the store would be preserved. Lulubelle had always been the best customer and was always complimenting Mama on her attention to perfection when it came to the placement of goods. My sisters and I still visit the General Market regularly and are abundantly pleased with the way Lulubelle has maintained the essence of what Mama and Daddy created. Lulubelle is now the business mind of the store and her best friend, Marylou Maybelline Margaret Smith, helps by running the drug counter. Ms. Smith, or Maude as we call her, has a smile that would embarrass the sun. She can light up anybody's day. She's also very careful to honor discretion when a d'Oasian wanders in in search of embarrassing ointments or the occasional over-the-counter pregnancy test.

Shaquanda gets into the General Market more often than Caliope or myself, as the Jackson 5-Hour Martinizing is right next door. I have to confess to you and I hope Shaquanda won't mind my telling that Shaquanda is not her given name. She was actually born Pleasant Alice Praleen, but in the ninth grade she decided that she hated her name and wanted it changed. Mama and Daddy were always supportive of whatever we girls put our mind to. They asked Pleasant what she wanted to change her name to. Pleasant didn't really know but got a bright idea and ran upstairs to retrieve the Scrabble game box. She returned and pulled out the bag full of letters, stuck her hand in and brought out what letters she could hold. The letters were thrown onto the kitchen table - S - K - W - A - N - H - D - A. Mama and Daddy watched as their eldest moved the letters around in search of something that pleased her. She ultimately produced SHAKWANDA. Pleasant took a liking to the name but wasn't in love with the spelling. She settled for SHAQUANDA and as she leaned over the table to ponder, her hair fell into her face; thus, Braid. Shaquanda Braid Praleen was born. Mama and Daddy gave her a wink of approval and took her to the courthouse the next day to make things official.

Shaquanda got married the day after graduating from d'Oasis High. She and Cash Jackson had been seeing each other since the eighth grade. Senior year of high school, the two were inseparable. As you can guess, Cash's parents owned the Jackson 5-Hour Martinizing next to the General Market. Shaquanda and Cash had a lovely marriage of 12 years. Cash had been lost in the overseas war that we don't speak of. He'd left Shaquanda with a certain sum of money and she took over the duties of running the Martinizing. Poor thing wore black for over a year. She and Cash had always been a very loving couple. She's professed to become a spinster but I can tell you that she has gone out with a couple of gentlemen in the last year. It's not like it isn't general knowledge.

Sister Caliope, as you know, spent some time away from d'Oasis - the whole ashram thing. We believe she may have escaped town because, of all of us, she hated our last name the most. She always said her name sounded like some stilted candy that nobody buys - Caliope Rose Praleen. To make things worse, she was gifted one of those monogram sweaters in the tenth grade and since they put the last name in the middle her sweater read CPR. Well, a day wouldn't go by that I didn't walk down the street past the high school and see some pubescent boy making himself pass out in hopes of some mouth-to-mouth with my sister. Mama would make her wear that sweater because it was a gift and utilizing a gift from someone is always a blessed way to show appreciation.

During Caliope's first year at d'Oasis Vo-Tech, she met Jim Butterworth and her heart turned over. They were like two peas in a pod. You have to know that there is a strong bond when a man waits for his girl to return home from an ashram. Right after Caliope returned, Jim looked her up and they continued where things left off. He even helped her open the Terra Firma Floristry. They're still as married as can be, though we don't see a great deal of Jim since he works one of those oil rigs in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico most of the time. But Caliope is as happy as a clam. She has a great man and a great job and is home where she belongs. I know some of you are thinking that you've seen Caliope around town with Mr. Chester Hottentot but let it be known that Chester is Jim's best friend and agreed to watch after Caliope while Jim is away. There is nothing untowards happening there.

As for me, I was always content to be a part of the Praleen family - you know middle children are often the ones to find their own contentment. I didn't much care for our last name either, but I wasn't going to make a stink about it. Anywho, I spent my high school years being chased by Dresden Fedderhopp. Well, he was a sweet boy but was never much to look at - if you know what I mean. One odd Tuesday at the Eat It, Too Bakery, I was sitting at what would become my regular booth (with Meemaw, Effie and Teensy) and I looked over to the counter to see Dresden perched on a stool with this quirky little smile that made my heart flip. I quickly left the Eat It, Too because I was only one day away from leaving for college with Ginny Sarah Beth Pickles. I ran home and told Mama what happened and she hugged me and rocked me and told me things would be okay.

Later that evening, Dresden came knocking at our door and Mama sent me to the porch with him to face the music. Well, we talked and laughed and held hands until 11:30 that night when Daddy announced that it was time for Dresden to depart. We promised to be pen pals while I was away at university and pen pals we stayed. We would spend all our time together during summer vacations and Dresden would come up to visit me once a year during the school term. It was a proper visit, mind you. His parents came along and they all stayed at the hotel by the entrance to the university.

As soon as I graduated and returned to d'Oasis, Dresden and I were married by Hasselbeck Pond. It was the most beautiful of days and I told Caliope and Shaquanda they could wear whatever dress they thought appropriate as my bridesmaids. I cannot stomach those tacky bridesmaid's dresses that a soul can't ever wear again. As mauve is my favorite color, my sisters honored me by wearing dresses in shades of mauve. How does one describe the most beautiful day in one's life?

My sweet Dresden, who was one of five attorney's in town, went to be with the Lord over seven years ago. He was a sweet, sweet man but I could never get him away from his favorite pastimes of eating, drinking Bourbon and smoking unfiltered cigarettes. I knew those things weren't good for him but he truly was a happy man until his final day. I keep the sweetest picture of him on my dresser with that quirky little smile he gave me every single morning.

Until tomorrow...don't be tacky...Peggy.

My Sunday Best

As with every Lord's day, I put on my Sunday best and walked on over to the Meeting at the Gates Gospel Atrium. I have been attending services there for about twenty years. Mama and Father used to drag...I'm sorry, take....us to the Crosses of Zion Church, pastored by Lyton Amble. Due to the lengthy sermons at the Crosses of Zion, said pastor became known as Father Ramble. When I returned to d'Oasis after college, my first duty was to find a new place of worship.

I am a good Christian woman, but I have things to do. I like to go to a service, hear the word, sing some songs and get on about my Sunday. Yes, I know it's the Lord's day, as do we all. That is why so many d'Oasians choose to fellowship through much of the day within the confines of the local bakery and tea house, Eat It, Too.

Around 11:30 am, I made my way to Eat It, Too and found Meemaw, Teensy and Effie perched at our regular booth back by the corner. It's a little more private and lets us see who's comin' and who's goin'. We always pull up an extra chair for the occasional visitor to our booth. I found my place at the booth, next to Teensy, and added a warm greeting to my friends. I looked over to another table to see Caliope slaving over a landscape drawing. Her creations are just gorgeous.

Teensy was the first to pipe up with news from the community. She'd missed time with our visitor, Miss Carmen Newbury, as she'd gone on up to the Vegetable Market in New Topia with her cousin Siobahn Wiggins. Siobahn is a lovely gal and one of the best cooks in town, so Teensy happily invites Siobahn to her excursions involving the palate.

Teensy had been on the phone with Clarissa Crowter, telling her all they'd purchased at the Vegetable Market - which included a pair of lovely moccasins for working in the yard. Clarissa was happy to report that she'd finally been approved as a Notary Public. Clarissa was always looking for a way to get to know more d'Oasians and thought she'd spread her wings as a Notary Public. Up until now, I had been the only Notary Public in town - as assistant to the recently deceased mayor. I was glad to hand those sorts of duties over to Clarissa and made a mental note to give her a call of congratulations.

I had some exciting news for the girls, myself. On Friday, I had been to the beauty parlor for my bi-weekly set and had run into Miss Pearl Nova Hasselbeck. She was getting her little mustache bleached - crosses to bear. Well, Pearl told me that her daddy had finally decided to erect a slide which would deposit thrill seekers into Hasselbeck Pond. I'd been hinting to Mr. Hasselbeck for years that more people would visit his lovely place if there were more outlets for recreation. With this news from Pearl, I'd been wondering if perhaps it was time for a d'Oasis Department of Tourism. Now that ours was the only pond for miles with a slide, we could advertise the advantages of outside play in our sweet burgh.

Effie was concerned about the safety of said slide and I assured her that I had made the same inquiries. I also hinted to Effie that there me be a position for her within the d'Oasis Department of Tourims but I was still working out the details. Pearl'd told me that her daddy paid special attention to all facets of safety in the construction of the slide and was even considering hiring a lifeguard for the spring and summer seasons. That could be a great opportunity for one of the boys up at the high school.

The next bit of community news came from Meemaw. She usually likes to go last when we're fellowshipping around the booth at Eat, It Too. Today, I could tell that she was biting at the bit. She had the special glint in her eye. Meemaw finally got to report that she saw a mover van pull into the Tatum's driveway the previous evening - across the street from her - and that Miss Janis Dikinson Tatum had returned to d'Oasis. J.D., as we call her, is a bit of a celebrity in d'Oasis. In high school, she was Homecoming Queen ten years to the day after Ginny Sarah Beth Pickles had been crowned. After graduating, J.D. announced that she was going off into the world to seek her fortune. She found success as a model in Tunicah, Mississippi and would send money home to her folks now and again. The Tatum's had used the money to adopt three lovely girls from China. I would give you their names but I cannot pronounce them, much less write them. Those cute little babies had been abandoned in that faraway land and the Tatum's gave them hope thanks to their beauty of an eldest daughter.

Meemaw had called Mrs. Tatum this morning to ask on J.D. and Mrs. Tatum was excited to relay the news that J.D. returned and had been taken on as the weather girl for WDOA, Channel 8 "On the Ball." All of this news from Meemaw just made us dizzy and excited. A celebrity returns home and makes good.

By this time, I'd gotten a bit full from all of the coffee. I'm not really a tea drinker. Thank the Lord they have a good strong coffee at the Eat It, Too. I politely excused myself from the booth and told the girls I'd see them around 6:30 pm at the Dizzy Bubbles for the weekly canasta tournament. As you know, canasta's not the most exciting thing in the world, so I don't feel the need to put into print what happens at the Dizzy Bubbles on a Sunday evening....except there's the occasional accusation of cheating, but it IS just a game after all.

Until tomorrow....don't be Tacky....Peggy!

A Visitor

We don't get a whole lot of visitors in d'Oasis - just the random traveler who gets lost off Rte. 10 and finds their way to the center of town.  But we were graced with a visitor last night all the way from out west.  One of my good friends, Ginny Sarah Beth Pickles, and I went to college together.  The town refers to our extended studies as the time those two girls went to that uppity university in the north.  Well, I graduated cum laude with a degree in political science with a minor in folk art.  I also got my Mrs. but that story is for a later date.  

Well, Pickles (as we call her) got expelled our junior year due to a hazing incident at the Tri-Omiccron house.  But her big sister from sorority days came to pay Pickles a visit and who knew that such delightful persons came from those western states.  Carmen Newbury is a delightful spirit with piercing blue eyes.  In the old days, my granny would've said such eyes hid dark witchcraft secrets.  But granny had once visited New Orleans and was scared by a card reader in the park who had these piercing blue eyes surrounded by a redness beyond Christiandom.

Miss Newbury rolled into town in her rented Audi convertible with the top down and hair just flowing.  It was like one of those epic slow motion scenes in a film from the 1950's.  She pulled to the curb, tossed her hair back and asked Miss Viola Jessup if she knew where Ginny Sarah Beth Pickles resided.  Viola had never heard the word resided and it took some translation to finally get to the matter at hand.  Viola finally giggled and pointed Miss Newbury on her way.  Carmen flashed Viola a genuine smile tinged with a hint of perplexity.  She sped away to Pickle's house, but within five minutes Ginny knew she had a visitor via the umpteen phone calls she received from downtown business owners. 

After a reunion dinner, Pickles announced that they must visit Aunt Gibby's "Dizzy Bubbles" so Carmen could meet the locals.  As is custom in d'Oasis, visitors are always dragged to Gibby's establishment to be shown off.  Meemaw and I had the best seat in the house and Pickles knew that she and Carmen MUST find their place at the two open chairs at our table.  I had only met Carmen once during the college days and had always been interested in the goings on at that  sorority house of ill-repute.  Pickles and Carmen regaled us with college memories and then Miss Newbury told us all about San Clamente, California.  Our conversation and laughter spread into the wee hours of the morning and the other d'Oasians made sure to pull chairs close by to catch whatever could be caught.

Aunt Gibby even pulled out a bottle of moonshine that she saved for special occasions.  At the end of the night, we had to call Hoke Jon-Jon Ramirez, the only cab driver in town, to make several trips to and fro...dropping of d'Oasis residents who'd imbibed more than beyond their limits.  Needless to say, most of the downtown businesses opened late that next day.  Though Carmen seemed to rebound in a lovely disposition.  I suppose it can be assumed that those west coasters are more adept at drinking the devil's brew.  I, myself, am having a hard time seeing the letters click by as I type this.  I think a nap is in order.

Until tomorrow....Don't be tacky...Peggy!

A beautiful day in d'Oasis

A glorious hello from Peggy.  

I must introduce y'all to some of my friends.  My oldest and dearest friends are Meemaw Doolittle (she doesn't like to be called Alma), Teensy Wiggins and Effie Dixon.  Meemaw and I went all through school together and we know each other's deepest and darkest secrets.  We're sworn to secrecy but if you get a few drinks in Meemaw, at Aunt Gibby's "Dizzy Bubbles," her lips may betray her promises.  As a good Christian, I am always open to forgiveness.  

Teensy and I met as sophomores in high school.  You may wonder how she ever got the name Teensy.  Well, at the tender age of 15, Teensy was not a petite gal.  She took to what one might call Spitemia - you know, when people get a taste of food and then said food disembarks the body before being swallowed.  Well, Miss Wiggins was a size 6 by the time we all graduated.  A moniker that began as a joke amongst the community kind of stuck as a form of adoration.   You'll find that Teensy is probably the sweetest soul in the d'Oasis community.  

Now, Effie Dixon is another story.  She was always a popular sort in school...though she never had much money to speak of.  Her first pregnancy occurred at the tender age of sixteen and the occasion sparked a lot of gossip amongst d'Oasians.  Somehow, Effie was able to continue her duties as captain of the cheerleading squad during the whole pregnancy.  Anyway, the community was always able to overlook Effie's monetary deficiencies because she was always a delight.  Now, with four children from different fathers, Effie resides in a quaint single-wide trailer just over the wrong side of the tracks.

As promised, I said I would mention my lovely sisters as well.  Shaquanda Braid Jackson is the matriarch of the family and has always been a successful spirit.  She's a whiz at running a business - she owns the Jackson 5-Hour Martinizing - and is always there when a person needs her.  Shaquanda was left a certain sum of money when her husband passed on (the amount has never been made public).  And she always keeps her sister Peggy in line.

Caliope Rose Butterworth, the youngest, is the free spirit of the family.  We don't talk much about the couple of years Caliope spent on an Ashram but that time seemed to do her some good.  She discovered that her mission in life was to make the world beautiful.  Caliope returned to d'Oasis with a flair for the dramatic and beautiful.  She is the resident florist/landscape architect.  Her creations always provide a spiritual lift to a recipient and she always includes a little note with scribblings that no one in d'Oasis can understand.  Every once in a while, you might pass Caliope's storefront and hear an exclamation of "I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!!"  - always in Caliope's voice.  It only means that she is striving for perfection and you can be assured that what will come out of the Terra Firma Floristry will amaze and astound.

There's a little introduction for you of some of us - my closest and dearest.  I will use this electronic scroll to pass on the stories of the people of the lovely town of d'Oasis.

Don't be tacky ... Peggy

Welcome to Peggy Fedderhopp's Blog

As the acting mayor of the glorious town of d'Oasis, it is my duty to keep its inhabitants aware of the goings on around Fedderhopp Mountain.  Fedderhopp Mountain, you know overlooks our sweet, sleepy village.  Well, people have decided that we are a sweet, sleepy village but I, Peggy Fedderhopp, can tell you that that is often farrrrr from the truth (be it good or bad things).

For the first entry on Peggy's blog, I must give a shout out (that's what they say...right?) to my friends Meemaw Doolittle, Teensy Wiggins and Effie Dixon.  Yes, I will even send a hello to the wrong side of the tracks.

Soon, I will give introduction to my charismatic sisters, Shaquanda Braid Jackson (she's the eldest...shhh) and Caliope Rose Butterworth.

Until next time when I will let you on to the whereabouts and happenings around d'Oasis.

Don't be tacky.... Peggy